A blurry and completely unrelated shot of me and Chicken.
I’m really bad at waiting. Dreadful at it, really. Patience is not a virtue I was born with nor one that I have managed to acquire in my first twenty four years on this planet.
I want to go places right away, I want to know what happens at the end of the book immediately, I want the metro train to arrive the second I step onto the platform. And most of all, I want a complete script of the rest of my life written out in front of me–with a table of contents, numbered pages, and highlighted sections–for the really good and the really bad parts. And you guessed it, I want that right now.
But hey, guess what?! That’s not how the world works. Oh, you already knew that? Hmm, well, I guess I did too, but sometimes I refuse to believe it. Sometimes, I forget that His plan is greater than any plan I come up with. I forget that things will happen as they happen, all I can do is trust what I believe in and keep on living my best life.
Somedays, I wake up in my little studio-ish apartment and think it’s lonely in this bed. I wonder what it’s like to wake up to someone you love and have little babies pitter patter into bed to wake you up.
Occasionally, I think I’m not busy enough. My to do list is short and I have too much free time on my hands. I wonder what it’s like to feel satisfied that not only is your list long, but you accomplished it all.
From time to time, I beat myself up about not exercising enough or being able to run very far. I think it is just pathetic that I can’t consistently run 3 miles–I’m young, this should be easy.
It is really, unbelievably simple to get caught up in my impatience, my what ifs, my but whens. And so lately, when it happens, I just take a step back and give myself a pep talk.
One day, I will wake up next to someone I love with little babies pitter pattering in to wake us. And I will miss having a huge queen sized bed to myself and the luxury of sleeping in on a Saturday. So I snuggle in deeper and put my favorite movie on Netflix and enjoy my ‘me’ time while I have it.
Far too soon, my to-do list will be twelve miles long again and I’ll miss these hot, long, slow summer days that feel lazy right now–but will sound relaxing in a few weeks.
Eventually, I’ll be back to running 3 miles (and hopefully more) with no trouble at all. And it wasn’t too long ago that the thought of running one lap at the track sent me into tears, so I’m doing pretty darn well.
Patience, you are definitely a virtue, and I’m going to keep working towards you–but I just don’t know if we will ever truly see eye-to-eye.